Speed-Reading CNN.com This Afternoon

[image caption] "After I huffed and I puffed, I still never really thought that I could go ahead and blow y'all's houses down. And for that, I'm sorry," said Bush.

After speed-reading the front page of CNN.com this afternoon, I'm amazed more people aren't talking about these strange news stories.

For instance, I learned that Steven Speilberg, along with being an Academy Award-winning director, is also an art thief. When his alter-ego was discovered by the FBI, Speilberg holed himself up in his Norco, California home. Soon after, the FBI started a fire to try to smoke Speilberg out, only to find him holding over a million rounds of ammo. The FBI also found that Speilberg was in the beginning stages of digging a tunnel to China.

In other news, the hot air constantly emitted by President Bush caused a tornado in Alabama and Georgia. After apologizing for his gaffe, Bush urged citizens affected by the storm to, "Hang in there."