The Retirement Tribute Ever. Ever.

From Deadspin:

Jeff Kent Will Fight No More Forever

By Rick Chandler, 5:15 PM on Wed Jan 21 2009, 2,897 views

Irascible shooter of critters Jeff Kent, the all-time leader in home runs among second basemen and super arch-enemy of Barry Bonds and Milton Bradley, is calling it quits.

Don't expect Bonds to be at the retirement party; the two had several notorious run-ins during their time as San Francisco Giants. Kent spent six seasons there, redefining himself as a player, winning a National League MVP award (2000) and appearing in a World Series (2002) in which he hit three home runs. No, he did not play well with others, whether it be superstars who reportedly took steroids, or forest animals which he enjoyed peppering with buckshot. He also famously "fell off his pickup truck while washing it" in 2002, which is code for "fell off his motorcycle while dicking around during the exhibition season," which would have been in violation of his Giants contract. That lie kind of ruined the holier-than-thou image for me.

Not to mention his being both a Giant and a Dodger. It's the most dickish move in all of baseball, being that the two are such hated rivals. Yes, it's an even worse move than Yankees-Red Sox, because at least with those teams, the money gives you an excuse. There's really no reason to move up or down the California coast; it's like giving the finger to every one of your former fans. Yeah, the Astros came in between there, but still.

But that was Kent, who had no real warm spot in his heart for anyone except his family, with whom he has expressed a desire to spend more time. Ironic to think that, if he does make it back to the majors, Bonds will have outlasted the prickly mustachioed one. I've always thought of Kent as a gnarled old chew toy who would be around forever, or at least until they found a cure for churlishness.