The Genius That Is Tim McCarver

[photo caption] Fox televison baseball broadcast partners Tim McCarver (l) and the nepotismically-challenged Joe Buck (r). The Fox executive who keeps them on the air is pictured between them. (photo courtesy NYOpinion.Com)


This is a paraphrased account of the in-game banter between announcer Joe Buck and color man Tim McCarver that took place during the Major League Baseball All-Star Game on Tuesday night. If anyone has the exact transcript, let me know.

Joe Buck (in reference to Joe Mauer): Tim, why do you think it is that so few catchers have won batting titles, none in the last sixty-four years?
Tim McCarver: Well, the thinking goes that the better the pitching staff the less likely the chance that the catcher will win a batting title. What happens is that as the game goes on, the catcher's hand becomes more and more bruised. By the third or fourth at-bat of the night for the catcher, his hand is so sore that he can only grip the bat with, maybe, eight fingers.

You have got to be kidding me, Tim. Mr. McCarver, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Now, to be fair, a catcher's sore hand might come into play once in a while, but that they're the main cause of a catcher not winning a batting title in over a half-decade? C'mon, Timmy!

What you should have said, Tim, looks something like this:

Option 1: "Well, Joe, the fact is that the catching position has traditionally been one focused primarily on defensive concerns. If you talk to most General Managers and skippers, what they'll tell you is that they first thing they look for in a catching prospect is defensive abilities. They want a player who can block balls in the dirt, a guy who can throw out baserunners. If they kid can hit on top of all that, well, that's just a bonus."

Option 2: "Well, Joe, the fact is that the catching position just might be the most physically demanding of any position in baseball. Squatting, blocking balls, and being so mentally involved in the game for nine innings takes its toll on the best of catchers, and it then takes a toll on their hitting, too."

Option 3: "Well, Joe, the fact is that a catcher, playing the most physically demanding position in the game, necessitates more days-off than any other player outside of a starting pitcher. Because of this, only a handful of catchers finish the season with enough at-bats to even qualify for the batting title, let alone win it."

Feel free, Tim, to combine elements of Options 1, 2 and 3 into one answer, should you see fit. I would've thought you'd come up with a better answer, Tim, seeing as how you were a catcher and all. Well, better luck next time, and I sure hope Al Leiter doesn't show you up again when he joins your broadcast booth for the playoffs this fall!