Thoughts While Watching Olympics

[photo caption] Ayer's Rock -- Australian snowboarding's secret weapon.

Will the impending Chinese domination of the world begin with a hostile takeover of pairs figure skating?

Shouldn't Americans who win medals in events invented by Americans and forced on the Olympic world by Americans only be credited with half a medal?

How many granite rocks do those hurlers get to throw in a "set" anyway?

Why didn't anyone tell me that there were very attractive female hurlers in Bemidji?

Just how did a female Australian become one of the best snowboarders in the world? There's no snow on Ayer's Rock, is there?

Did you know that a Venezuelan Mormon who teaches at Idaho State was the oldest luger in this year's luge competition?

The Olympics are a lot funner when Prince Albert of Monaco gets his ass kicked for the upteenth time in bobsledding. He's competing this year, right?

If there was a cable channel that showed nothing but speed skating, bobsledding, and the biathlon 24/7, I'd watch. Sign me up. I'm not kidding.

How come my dad didn't point his fast-skating poor hockey-playing son towards speed skating?

When will figure skating's male outfit madness stop?

What's up with South Korean dominance in short-track speed skating?

Who knew that Hans Christians Andersen's cute little children's tale would inspire generation after generation of Dutch youth to skate really fast, but always a fraction of a second slower than Americans?

Shouldn't there be an investigation into Canada's ineptitude at speed skating?

Why are Sweden, Denmark, and Iceland terrible in Winter Olympic games dominated by their Norden brethren Norway and Finland?

It was a lot funner when we had the Evil Empire to cheer against. I think we should force Norway into this role.