Friday, February 02, 2007

No, really -- which suburb are you from?

So, I'm going with the Colts in "the big game" on Sunday.

(Side note: Why the f is the NFL such a batch of dooshes that it won't allow advertisers to refer to the Super Bowl as the "Super Bowl"? What the shit is this? Imagine if MLB pulled that shit with baseball, and you couldn't call it the "World Series"?!? What the f would they call it? "The Big Best-Out-Of-Seven Game Series"? Get real, NFL; you look like a bunch of chumps acting like this. I digress.)

Anyway, I'm going with Indianapolis because I hate Chicago. Whoops! Let me rephrase that: I still hate Chicago.

Why do I hate Chicago? I'll tell you why: attend college with a bunch of little pricks from Chicago for three or four years. Hear them spout all kinds of bullshit stories, like "I'm from Chicago."

Response? "No, you're not, asshole. You're from Barrington or Deerfield or maybe Oak Park at the closest. But you sure as shit aren't from Chicago proper."

The mob spawn (different from the typical suburban Chicago dooshes) I went to school with were even more impressive. Day after day, decked out in a varitable rainbow of track suit colors, with their zippers down low enough from the porno-esque chest hair to sway freely back and forth in the breeze. And they never showered, either. Check that: they did shower. But their version of a shower was loading up with more cologne. And cologne that was two years past its trendiness date.


(Although, it was one of those mobster wannabes that hurled a Bud bottle across a bar one time at my loudmouth roommate and hit him square in the eye socket. How do I know it was a Bud bottle? "Bud" was imprinted in purple bruising on his eyelid. Quite spectacular, really.)

The best part, however, was being in college during the Wannstedt/Jauron era Bears. The Bears sucked back then. Plus, the Vikes were on top of the world at the time. And that made it a virtual certainty that we could talk shit to these little Chicago suburb Catholic school turds with extra gusto for two weeks out of the year. Plus, we got to kick them when they were down after the Bears would get thumped during Packer Week, too. (Though we then had to listen to those Wisco rubes drone on and on, too, which may have been worse.)

But we always taunted them about the Dan Ryan Expressway. For some reason, Chicagoans are very touchy about the Dan Ryan. I don't exactly know why. But you had to say it that greasy, overweight Chicago drawl..."The Dahn Rihuhn". Rolls right off the tongue.

Assholes. (PS: Not you, Ray...you're cool.)

Go Colts!


Blogger Lunatic Biker said...


Sat Feb 03, 09:55:00 AM 2007

Blogger StevenCX said...

Chicago wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so incredibly corrupt!

Sat Feb 03, 06:50:00 PM 2007

Blogger AdamB said...

Jesus. Finally someone can articulate the deep, heartfelt hatred I have for Notre Dame undergrads. I cannot wait for all these shits and their bullshit quarterback to get sliced up by the real deal.

I guess I would like the Bears if it weren't for Bears fans. Same with Dave Matthews fans. I just want to strangle those fuckers with their own fashion-semiconscious necklaces.

Sun Feb 04, 08:49:00 AM 2007


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home